My Spiritual Journey, Part 1

Recently, pagan bloggers have been tackling an interesting topic. As many of us have converted to paganism from Christianity, pagans have been asking themselves, "What do I miss about Christianity?" Witches and Pagans' Annika Mongan said that her transition was difficult, but ultimately she writes,"I am far happier, spiritually healthier, and more balanced than I ever was as a Christian." Solitary practioner Niki Whiting misses the ease of just showing up to church and not having to create her own rituals. She misses the beauty of the church as well. Jason Mankey doesn't miss anything. John Halstead wrote about what he doesn't miss. This inspired me to write about my spiritual journey, from my fourth grade conversion to Catholicism to today. This is the first entry in the series.

Easter Vigil Baptism from Bishop Robert Lynch's Blog

 

I grew up in a Catholic household. When I was little, we went to Mass pretty frequently, but my mom, though she went, wasn't Catholic, and I was not initially raised with a lot of "because Jesus says so" theology. My parents taught me right from wrong in a more humanistic way. That all changed in the fourth grade when my mom converted. She had a dream about a church and then attended her current church which exactly matched her dream. (That church is modern and was a bit scandalous because of the architecture, so that's a legitimate vision, I suppose.) She had found her home, but it was only to be mine temporarily.


My mom converted shortly thereafter, and she started going to RCIA, Rites of Chrisitan Initiation, where she studied Catholic theology for a few months in preparation for being baptized, receiving communion, and getting confirmed. My sisters and I also went through the sacraments. My dad was already Catholic, but my two sisters and I had never been baptized or gone through any other sacrament. My sisters were young, so they just started going to Sunday school and were to be baptized. I was so far "behind" that I went through a special curriculum for kids like me. It was like my mom's RCIA class, but I was the only student that I remember. I met at a very nice woman's house, and she taught me a little bit about Catholicism. I didn't really know what was going on, but I was an obedient child, and I went along with everything.

My parents got married again because their justice of the peace home wedding didn't "count." That was a pretty neat experience, attending my parents' wedding. It was conducted in the tiny chapel off to the side of the church. Very few people were invited, and my unchurched, delightful grandpa made a deja vu joke, which was great. You're not supposed to get married during Lent, but my parents wanted to have the same wedding anniversary and they needed to get married in the church before my mom's and my Easter vigil debut. 

My sisters got baptized. We had a shallow immersion pool connected to a bubbling fountain for the holy water. When it was time to get in, my littlest sister, who was 2 or 3 at the time and hates to swim, cried out "I don't want to!" Everyone laughed, and she got baptized anyway. (I feel like that wouldn't happen in a pagan ritual with any of the groups with whom I work.) 

My mom and I went through our multiple sacraments together. They went ahead and confirmed me a few years early, so I went through several the sacraments at that Easter vigil. I was baptized, received communion, and was confirmed that night after very minimal study or preparation.

It was a beautiful service. We wore gray albs before being baptized to represent original sin. We got into the holy water font and were baptized. We processed out, changed into all white albs, and came back into the sanctuary where we received communion and were confirmed. 

Pope Benedict giving First Communion via Phillothea on Phire

There were major gaps in my understanding of Catholicism, but I am a fast learner and quickly became a mouthy and pedantic kid in our Wednesday catechism classes after that night. Before this point, my life was very different. I can't say it changed for the better or for the worse. I know that I think back on that night with sincere fondness, but the ripple effects of it weren't ideal.

I do love the symbolism of the Easter vigil liturgy still and some traditions and songs specific to my parents' church for that service, but I don't really miss it. I could attend any time I want, but I just don't feel drawn to it. I feel free to attend any Catholic service I want, as they are public and open to all people, but I don't. My spiritual cup is pretty darn full.