Be careful what you wish for!
I am living my dream. I have everything I wanted and more. (I just need my little sustainable urban eco-cottage.) I have my dream job. I travel. I have my dream mate, someone far better looking and much more compassionate. I have wonderful friends. I am involved in the community. I am bilingual. I have books galore. I openly practice witchcraft in my home. I have pagan and witch friends. My high school self would be astonished. I did everything I wanted to do--and more.
And guess what? I am still a negative brat, a "bushy-haired malcontent" as one friend put it. I am an inveterate perfectionist and workaholic. I come in early and stay late. I am never good enough. I beat myself up constantly. I build myself up in order to tear myself down. I frantically put the blame for anything that goes wrong outside myself to protect I myself from the certain knowledge that I am deeply, painfully inadequate. I'm a praise junkie, but I don't quite believe the nice things people say. I gained weight around the middle, maybe due to cortisol, a stress hormone.
My witchcraft is increasingly turning inward, and self-acceptance and love are bigger themes. I made an oath to Inanna not to work unpaid overtime at home on Sundays.
My favorite animal is the beaver (no bisexual jokes, please.) I was always drawn to them as a kid, and I even had an imaginary beaver friend named Beaver. As I grew, maybe I subconsciously took on all this stress and overwork to honor the spirit of my animal friend. But beavers don't work themselves into oblivion. They do their work to survive. Hard work is good, but I need to strive for more balance.
I'm a rough draft, but I'm worth revising.
And guess what? I am still a negative brat, a "bushy-haired malcontent" as one friend put it. I am an inveterate perfectionist and workaholic. I come in early and stay late. I am never good enough. I beat myself up constantly. I build myself up in order to tear myself down. I frantically put the blame for anything that goes wrong outside myself to protect I myself from the certain knowledge that I am deeply, painfully inadequate. I'm a praise junkie, but I don't quite believe the nice things people say. I gained weight around the middle, maybe due to cortisol, a stress hormone.
My witchcraft is increasingly turning inward, and self-acceptance and love are bigger themes. I made an oath to Inanna not to work unpaid overtime at home on Sundays.
My favorite animal is the beaver (no bisexual jokes, please.) I was always drawn to them as a kid, and I even had an imaginary beaver friend named Beaver. As I grew, maybe I subconsciously took on all this stress and overwork to honor the spirit of my animal friend. But beavers don't work themselves into oblivion. They do their work to survive. Hard work is good, but I need to strive for more balance.
I'm a rough draft, but I'm worth revising.
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